Many people feel justified in being angry for any number of reasons. But little do they realize how anger affects their health, relationships and how they go through life. Below are some of the ways anger impacts us and what some alternative choices might be.
Anger and its Impact
To understand anger, we must first address why we get angry in the first place. We get angry when our expectations are not met. We justify our anger when someone does not meet our expectations, do as we ask them to do, when they ignore us or tune us out and do other things that annoy us.
We all have expectations for ourselves, others, and life. Often we need to look at these expectations and consider if they are too high or unrealistic. When our expectations for ourselves do not get met, we land up feeling like a failure even if others see us as a success. For example, if you expected to get a 100 on a test and only got 95, you will be disappointed. Why do this to yourself? We cannot be perfect all the time. Once we can accept that, life becomes much easier.
Perfectionists have a difficult time to adjust their standards as things will not look right to them unless they are exactly the way they want them to be. This makes others around them feel that they are failing in your eyes because they cannot meet your standards nor keep up with you. In addition, you may land up doing everything yourself because of your perfectionism and then feel angry because of the lack of support you receive from others. It is best to strive to be imperfect.
Some people use their anger as a destructive force, projecting it onto others in the form of blame to justify wrong acts of their own. When life does not work out the way we want, we say life is unfair and blame God and others for our losses or misfortunes, because we do not want to take responsibility for our actions.
Some people use their creativity in a destructive manner that can lead to unexpected and irrational violence and abuse. Angry people often take out their anger on others like the husband who beats his wife because she burnt the toast.
When people abuse us or do things we cannot abide, we feel justified in our anger. This can lead to our being unwilling or unable to forgive them. When we cannot forgive, our anger creates an energy link that chains us to the other person. We will only be freed from this chain when we can forgive others as well as ourselves.
Anger challenges us to be more accepting of people as they are regardless of what they have done or failed to do. It is not our job to sit in judgment of others or to transform them into what we believe would be best. If we have difficulty to accept them as they are, then perhaps it is time to look within for why we feel this way, as it may stem from a lack of acceptance of ourselves.
Anger can take numerous forms such as disappointment, criticism, sarcasm, intolerance, passive/aggressive behavior, hostility, negativity, and verbal and physical abuse. Anger often masks our feelings of loss and grief. It saps our energy causing us to feel depressed. Depression is anger turned inwards. When we feel depressed, we take pills to reduce our anxiety and fear rather than deal with our feelings.
Anger, no matter its manifestation, creates distance in relationships as who wants to be around an angry, critical person or have anger dumped on them, especially if that anger escalates to violence or physical abuse. People who do not love themselves allow others to dump anger on them because of their feelings of low self- esteem. Otherwise they would find a way to stand up to themselves or leave the relationship.
Some folks take on other people’s problems because they are looking for an outlet for their anger, which they are unable to express. For example, they can get heavily involved with a neighbor’s problems that are none of their concern.
Anger can act as a motivator especially when the person on the receiving end of someone’s anger comes to a point where they can take it no longer. In a moment of anger, they just let the truth fly, which they might not have done with more time for reflection. While expressing their feelings is a good thing, especially if they have difficulty to do so, it is not really the best way to go about it. Best to say how you feel when you are calm.
Some people use honesty as a club to express their anger. They justify saying the most terrible things by saying “I was just trying to be honest.” They never ask if you want their opinion or their honesty, as they call it, they just hit you over the head with it. They usually derive a great deal of satisfaction from doing this because they have now released the hostile feelings they feel towards you.
Some people take out their anger through sports, excessive exercise, with their fists or reckless driving, while others drown their anger with excessive drinking, eating, smoking or taking recreational drugs. These methods resolve nothing but can lead to further health and emotional problems.
Anger can affect our health. Continual or suppressed anger causes a build-up of toxins in body, which then attracts water and causes excessive weight gain and illness. The liver is a processing plant that rids the body of toxins. When it can no longer do its job effectively because of amount of toxins in the body created by anger overwhelms its capacity, it starts to malfunction and can eventually lead to liver disease. Remember, when you are angry, the toxins remain in your body and not with the person with whom you are angry.
Denying our anger always keeps us victims of our behavior. Anger is really a waste of energy that could be better spent elsewhere. Releasing our anger helps to clear our energy field of blockages and our body of toxins allowing us to have better health. It is like opening a door to let in fresh air. If we deny our anger, we only deceive ourselves as others are aware of it.
Anger is not love no matter how justified we feel for being angry. When we express our anger, we believe we still love the person with whom we are angry. We are focused on our letting our anger out and never concern ourselves with how the person on whom we are venting our anger feels. They often feel like a victim or a whipping post which causes them to become angry themselves.
Dumping anger or blaming others is not love. It is more loving to tell a person you are angry with them for some behavior or a specific reason to let them know how you feel and why. This provides an opportunity to discuss the situation and hopefully find a solution. Just being angry and not saying why, provides no such opportunity. Some people may conclude that you do not like them because of your anger.
If you tell yourself that there is nothing you can do about your anger because you cannot change yourself, the situation or the behavior of others, you are incorrect. You can always change how you choose to respond to situations or people. You can look at your expectations and see if they are realistic. You can look within and see what causes you to feel angry and change your attitude. You can also be forgiving of yourself and others.
Anger is a lower vibrational energy and is not compatible with the energy of fourth and fifth dimensional consciousness, which is one of oneness and love for yourself and others. If you want to evolve, you must address your anger issues as they will hold you back.
If you need assistance to recognize your beliefs around anger and how they impact your relationships and prevent you from attaining your goals, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal, telephone, and Skype readings, empowerment coaching, regressions, and healing either by responding to this newsletter or calling me at 505 474 6363 or 514 312 2451.