Category: Life

In Part 1 I discussed known experiences. These were the experiences that were known by the family. Now I want to talk about the unknown experiences. These are the ones that I never shared with anyone for whatever reason.
I will start with a point that I had made in Part 1. The babysitter. This is an incident that haunted me for most of my life. And up until I had spoken to my mom about his identity I had hidden what I remember to be the truth, because I truly believed that I had been sexually assaulted.
This is what I remember. I was living in my new home in Northwestern New Mexico. My step-dad and mom had gone out for the night. A sitter, who was supposedly the brother of our normal sitter, who for some reason couldn’t make it over, was watching my brother and me. My brother was on the couch watching television. He was glued to the TV. He didn’t see this male figure take me away into the restroom where I remember being hurt. I never remembered what this person looked like…I only knew he was of the male gender. I also remember that this happened more than once. During a hypnosis session I ended back to this day and the answer shocked even me.
I was lying in my bed. My brother was sleeping to my right in his bed, which laid in a different angle to myself. I wake up to see these funny looking men around my room. One is coming through the wall and two are at the edge of my bed. I am not afraid of them. Actually I think they are funny looking yet cool. Then one takes my hand. It leads me out of through the wall. I look back to see my brother who is still asleep and has no idea I am leaving. I remember wanting my brother to go with me, but they wouldn’t let him. They were not interested in him. I look up and above the tree is a dark object with a light coming from the center. I look back and see the house I was just in. Then I tell the therapist that I wanted to end the memory.
This was my last hypnosis session during this time period. I was no longer interested in finding out anymore about my past for that one experience was enough. I knew that this had happened and had been going on for some time, but then again I already knew it, I just didn’t know how to accept it. Acceptance is a hard thing to swallow sometimes. With ET’s it is even harder, because it bends our thinking. But if we think small then we see small. If we try to hide we only deny. And these were the hard lessons I had to learn.
Besides the above experience there were not too many more that would stand out in my memory until I was almost twelve. It was at this age that I began to peer up to the skies at night. I loved going out and laying across the top of the big doghouse my step-dad had made. I would sit there and watch the stars. I was glued to them. I knew there was more to them, but what? Then one night, during the summer months, I saw a huge shadow go across the sky wiping out the stars as it passed. The time was around 10:00 PM. When I saw the shadow I got a funny feeling in my stomach and I couldn’t wait to get into the house. I was bothered by it and I sat in my room that evening wondering what it was all about.
When this happened it was around the time the nosebleeds began. It was also the time when I learned that not everything is, as it appears to be. I had come to the knowledge the person I had thought I was didn’t exist anymore and my life was turned upside down. Somewhere out there was a man who helped to bring me into this world. I didn’t know who he was or what he was about, but I did know I had a connection to him. Just what was that connecting force?

Prior to 2001 I knew I had spent thirty-eight years wondering if what I was experiencing was real. For me it was, but to others it was not. This is the biggest force against those who are experiencers. Disbelieve by others, especially those you love the most. It didn’t matter what environment I was in: whether it was with family or church what I was seeing was considered demonic and of the devil, some blew it off as a result of my marijuana phase in my late teens and early twenties, but that never explained what I saw prior to it. I couldn’t win for losing when it came to finding answers.
In my early childhood I use to have an invisible friend. I was told it was a phase and that I would grow out of it. At six I had a fear of the dentist that led my mom to cringe every time she thought she would have to take me in. Apparently the stress was so much that she avoided it as much as possible. Even when I was sixteen she asked my grandmother take me in, because she didn’t want to see me freak out in the chair again. She never knew how I would react. But the dentist wasn’t the only one I would have problems with. I had to go in for a shot with the doctor at around seven years of age; it took six staff to hold me down…again an embarrassment to my mom.
The biggest examples of strangeness in my life were at four, eight, and twelve. Between four and six I remember having a male baby sitter that would take me away from my brother and hurt me. I confronted my mom about this sitter in my thirties. I just wanted to know who he was. Her answer was not something I wanted to hear, “you never had a male babysitter”. Due to the answer I had to revaluate my life. Could my memories be a lie? Under the use of hypnosis I found out what was really happening and it had nothing to do with the male sitter.
Then at eight I was taken into the doctor for vaginal bleeding. My mom and grandmother couldn’t believe that I started my period at that age, though it had been known to happen. I remember them making a huge deal out of it all. It was embarrassing to say the least. It was the end result that left everyone confused…apparently I had a surgical cut in my vaginal area that no one could explain. They thought that maybe I had fallen on something that cause it, but they still couldn’t explain the precision of the cut.
Then at the age of twelve I began having nosebleeds. They would just start and then end. Worried my mom ran me to the doctor. He could not find a cause, so to be a professional he decided to say I was allergic to dust. It was the only explanation he could come up with at the time…and it did make sense since I lived in the deserts of New Mexico. But when I moved back to the humidity of central Oklahoma and they still appeared. The clincher would be when we moved back to New Mexico they disappeared. I was back in the desert, but they were gone for the most part. Later in life they would appear once a year or more. Not like they did at twelve through fifteen.
These were just some of the everyday aspects of my life that were not only known to myself, but to my family as well. Then came the unknown experiences. The ones I would never share for whatever reason. They were the most challenging for I had no one to back me up with them. It was these experiences that would make me stand out from my siblings and friends.